Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Writing Quotes, Bird Quotes

GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These [quills] when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an "author," there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling.

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Confidante: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.

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Hurry n: The dispatch of bunglers.

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PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

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The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two.

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A trite popular saying, or proverb. (Figurative and colloquial.) So called because it makes its way into a wooden head. Following are examples of old saws fitted with new teeth.

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A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.

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The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Mean Quotes , Pride Quotes

RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.

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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

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According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians.

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Finance is the art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager

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ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .

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Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Reality Quotes , Connections Quotes

Every patriot believes his country better than any other country . . . In its active manifestation-it is fond of killing-patriotism would be well enough if it were simply defensive, but it is also aggressive . . . Patriotism deliberately and with folly aforethought subordinates the interests of a whole to the interests of a part . . . Patriotism is fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave and blind as a stone.

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Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.

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NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.

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REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

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Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion - thus: Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man. Minor Premise: One man can dig a post-hole in sixty seconds; Therefore- Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a post-hole in one second. This may be called syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.

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A lottery is a tax on stupidity.

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