Ambrose Bierce Quotes, War Quotes, Army Quotes

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

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Truth is more deceptive than falsehood, for it is more frequently presented by those from whom we do not expect it, and so has against it a numerical presumption.

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PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians - who are Hogmies.

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The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.

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SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.

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ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.

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Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

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MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.

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DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.

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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

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True, more than a half of the green graves in the Grafton cemetery are marked "Unknown," and sometimes it occurs that one thinks of the contradiction involved in "honoring the memory" of him of whom no memory remains to honor; but the attempt seems to do no great harm to the living, even to the logical.

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Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

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ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us.

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The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

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A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.

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PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

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RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.

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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.

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RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.

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DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

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