Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Angel Quotes, Science Quotes

GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most writers the invention of gunpowder is ascribed to the Chinese, but not upon very convincing evidence. Milton says it was invented by the devil to dispel angels with, and this opinion seems to derive some support from the scarcity of angels.

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UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

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UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.

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Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

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DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

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YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

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Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

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Dictionary: a malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic

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San Francisco is the place where most people were last seen

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mine, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.

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SIREN, n. One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt to dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave. Figuratively, any lady of splendid promise, dissembled purpose and disappointing performance.

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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

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Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man. The Genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

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GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.

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PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.

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TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.

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BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.

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PLENIPOTENTIARY, adj. Having full power. A Minister Plenipotentiary is a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he never exert it.

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