Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Atheism Quotes, Invisible Quotes

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

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A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.

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PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

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CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.

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The creator and arbiter of beauty is the heart; to the male rattlesnake the female rattlesnake is the loveliest thing in nature.

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TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ("Glossina morsitans") whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist ("Mendax interminabilis").

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WEATHER, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

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Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

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BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

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An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

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ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.

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The circus a place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

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REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.

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Doubt is the father of invention.

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SYCOPHANT- One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may not be commanded to turn and be kicked. He is sometimes an editor.

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LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

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INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.

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EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

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GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.

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