Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Women Quotes, Roots Quotes

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

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prospect, n. An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden.

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When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.

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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.

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picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.

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NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.

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Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.

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MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.

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OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an "old man". Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an "old" book.

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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

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Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

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INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.

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A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.

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ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.

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Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

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Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.

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Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is. Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable. Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.

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