Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Weather Quotes, Kind Quotes

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

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INDIFFERENT, adj. Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things.

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HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.

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LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods.

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Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

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To those who view the voyage of life from the port of departure the bark that has accomplished any considerable distance appears already in close approach to the farther shore.

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PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is commonly dead.

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MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines, who believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by talking. Herod of Judea, all the famous soldiers have been practical exponents of the Malthusian idea.

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BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.

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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

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Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

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RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

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INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

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The bold and discerning writer who, recognizing the truth that language must grow by innovation if it grow at all, makes new words and uses the old in an unfamiliar sense has no following and is tartly reminded that 'it isn't in the dictionary' - although down to the time of the first lexicographer no author ever had used a word that was in the dictionary.

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HARMONISTS, n. A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for the bitterness of their internal controversies and dissensions.

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DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

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MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

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REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

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OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an "old man". Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an "old" book.

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