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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.
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- RITE, n. A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.
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- PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague today . . . is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
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- Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
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- Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have; as the right to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor, the right to have measles, and the like.
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- GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
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- OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.
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- PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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- PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.
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- DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper - the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort.
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- VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.
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- Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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- Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
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- It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.
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- MONAD, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter (see Molecule). The monad has body without bulk, and mind without manifestation - containing all the powers and possibilities needful to his evolution into a German philosopher . .
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- NOVEL, n. A short story padded.
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- CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, author of 'Cogito ergo sum' to demonstrate the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved 'Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum' 'I think that I think, therefore I think that I am' as close an approach.
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- Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
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- Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.
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- IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral.
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