Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Wish Quotes, Devil Quotes

Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wish Quotes , Devil Quotes

LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents. The skill and diligence with which the old man and lads support the serpents and keep them up to their work have been justly regarded as one of the noblest artistic illustrations of the mastery of human intelligence over brute inertia.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Son Quotes , Men Quotes

PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.

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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.

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Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means, as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another man's choice, and is highly prized.

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IMPROVIDENCE, n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of to-morrow.

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Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.

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A modern school where football is taught.

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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Hero Quotes , People Quotes

Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.

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The god of the world's leading religion.

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Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.

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GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

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Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.

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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.

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A pessimist asked God for relief. Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness, said God. No, replied the petitioner, I wish you to create something that would justify them. The world is all created,said God, but you have overlooked something

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wish Quotes , Relief Quotes

RESPITE, n. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation.

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PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.

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PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.

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NECTAR, n. A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Believe Quotes , Preparation Quotes