Ambrose Bierce Quotes, School Quotes, Ignorance Quotes

As a means of dispensing formulated ignorance our boasted public school system is not without merit; it spreads out education sufficiently thin to give everyone enough to make him a more competent fool than he would have been without it.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , School Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Long Quotes , Doe Quotes

OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an "old man". Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an "old" book.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Time Quotes , Book Quotes

When in Rome, do as Rome does.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Rome Quotes , Cities Quotes

QUIXOTIC, adj. Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote. An insight into the beauty and excellence of this incomparable adjective is unhappily denied to him who has the misfortune to know that the gentleman's name is pronounced Ke-ho-tay.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Beauty Quotes , Names Quotes

RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid's belief in the virtue of maids.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Maids Quotes , Ruins Quotes

FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism; and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Long Quotes , Baptism Quotes

GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Mean Quotes , Generosity Quotes

LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp."

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Waste Quotes

NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning - which is a phenomenon.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Process Quotes , Latter Quotes

ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Mother Quotes , Kings Quotes

VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Understanding Quotes , Suffering Quotes

Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.

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MULTITUDE, n. A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman's adoration.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wisdom Quotes , Political Quotes

Acquaintance: "A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Degrees Quotes , Rich Quotes

Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Fear Quotes , Dwelling Quotes

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Faith Quotes

Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Bird Quotes , Might Quotes

SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Food Quotes , Cooking Quotes

CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Evil Quotes , Bears Quotes