Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Liars Quotes, Lying Quotes

FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.

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Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

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INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.

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RAREBIT n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and that riz-de-veau à la financière is not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker.

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OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.

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Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.

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RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.

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MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.

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PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

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Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.

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ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination . . .

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Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

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Quill: An instrument of torture yielded by a goose and commonly weilded by as ass.

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NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.

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Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.

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Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

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BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

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HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.

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FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person - a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case.

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