Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Horse Quotes, Cat Quotes

FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Horse Quotes , Cat Quotes

GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Horse Quotes , Animal Quotes

PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.

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picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.

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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

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art, n. This word has no definition.

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When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , May Quotes , Faults Quotes

Introduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Evil Quotes , Enemy Quotes

Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Children Quotes

MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Hero Quotes , People Quotes

optimism, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with disproof - an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Fall Quotes

resolute, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.

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Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

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Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Science Quotes

INFALAPSARIAN, n. One who ventures to believe that Adam need not have sinned unless he had a mind to - in opposition to the Supralapsarians, who hold that that luckless person's fall was decreed from the beginning.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Believe Quotes , Fall Quotes

Rhubarb: essence of stomach ache.

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Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

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NECTAR, n. A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Believe Quotes , Preparation Quotes

Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

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When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Death Quotes , Feet Quotes