Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Thinking Quotes, Brain Quotes

Brain: an apparatus with which we think that we think. Mind, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain.

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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.

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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.

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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

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LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods.

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ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.

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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

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Evolutionary biology is genuinely scientific, but more than that it opens the door to a world more marvellous than any Christian fundamentalist has ever read into the pages of the Bible.

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An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.

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MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

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DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.

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PRE-ADAMITE, n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation. . . . Little its known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and theologians with a controversy.

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Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

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BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Etna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.

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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

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Immoral" is the judgment of the stalled ox on the gamboling lamb.

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MAMMON, n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.

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WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.

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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

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ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination . . .

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