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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- PLUNDER, v. To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft. To wrest the wealth of A from B and leave C lamenting a vanishing opportunity.
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- OBLIVION, n. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.
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- Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
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- picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.
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- HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.
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- ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.
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- OBSTINATE, adj. Inaccessible to the truth as it is manifest in the splendor and stress of our advocacy.
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- Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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- NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.
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- TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.
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- FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London
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- REDEMPTION, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin, through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned . . . . whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.
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- ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
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- Snow pursued by the wind is not wholly unlike a retreating army. In the open field it ranges itself in ranks and battalions; where it can get a foothold it makes a stand; where it can take cover it does so. You may see whole platoons of snow cowering behind a bit of broken wall.
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- NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.
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- QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another - usually about as many times as it can be got there.
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- Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
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- EXPOSTULATION, n. One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends.
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- UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.
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- ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.
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