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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man. The Genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.
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- Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.
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- CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.
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- Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
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- CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.
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- What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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- A pessimist asked God for relief. Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness, said God. No, replied the petitioner, I wish you to create something that would justify them. The world is all created,said God, but you have overlooked something
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- Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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- Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.
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- PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
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- ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
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- Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
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- MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.
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- Definition: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.
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- ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.
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- art, n. This word has no definition.
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- A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.
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- VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.
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- Achievement; the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
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- Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.".
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