Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Rags Quotes, Troops Quotes

FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London

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Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick.

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To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

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PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.

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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

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repose, v.i. To cease from troubling.

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War: A by-product of the arts of peace.

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Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

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PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.

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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

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R.I.P. A careless abbreviation of "requiescat in pace", attesting to indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than "reductus in pulvis".

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DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

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Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

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PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.

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REPARTEE, n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian.

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PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

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When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

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DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number - just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.

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Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity.

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