Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Wise Quotes

Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

He's got his dog trained so that it only does it on newspapers. The trouble is it does it when he's reading the blasted things.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes

... I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old associations' sake, I am afraid, but because it was very slow, very dreary, very up-hill and down-hill, and very unlike any way in which any man in any natural circumstances of life or death ever expressed himself about anything.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes