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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hope Quotes
- Most people's major life changes don't come from reading an article in the newspaper; they come from reading longer-form essays or thoughtful books, which are much more convincing and detailed.
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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Morality consists of suspecting other people of not being legally married.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , America Quotes
- We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow. Our wiser sons, no doubt will think us so.
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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes
- There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- "I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day together, - running, and catching, and batting, and bowling, and revelling in toil which would exhaust a galley-slave.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes
- I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic resistance.
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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes
- A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uncles Quotes
- Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck.
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Tags : Adam Clayton Powell , Jr. Quotes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A joke is a very serious thing.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jealousy Quotes
- God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes