Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Women Quotes

It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Clever Quotes

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Gay Quotes

I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jesus Quotes

Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't think the discus will ever attract any interest until they let us start throwing them at one another.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Al Oerter Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes