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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes
- If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
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Tags : Dalai Lama Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
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- A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
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Tags : Adi Da Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- ... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- The report of my death was an exaggeration.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.
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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
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- Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old.
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- The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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- I drink to make other people more interesting.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes
- Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.
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- Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- 'Tis a superstition to insist on a special diet. All is made at last of the same chemical atoms.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes