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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I quite agree with Dr. Nordau's assertion that all men of genius are insane, but Dr. Nordau forgets that all sane people are idiots.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes
- He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes
- When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes
- A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes
- Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- If a student takes the whole series of my folklore courses including the graduate seminars, he or she should learn something about fieldwork, something about bibliography, something about how to carry out library research, and something about how to publish that research.
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Tags : Alan Dundes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- A burglar who respects his art always takes his time before taking anything else.
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Tags : O. Henry Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.
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Tags : Al Gore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes
- I have been born more times than anybody except Krishna.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Novelists Quotes
- By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Appreciation Quotes
- "Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir," replied the little gentleman. "Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word indeed. It's a legal fiction, my dear sir, nothing more."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.
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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes