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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.
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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes
- To buy books would be a good thing if we could also buy the time to read them; but the purchase of books is often mistaken for the assimilation and mastering of their contents.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.
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Tags : Adelle Davis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Party Quotes
- Nature makes only dumb animals. We owe the fools to society.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nature Quotes
- 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.
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Tags : Khalil Gibran Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.
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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- On summer evenings, when every flower, and tree, and bird, might have better addressed my soft young heart, I have in my day been caught in the palm of a female hand by the crown, have been violently scrubbed from the neck to the roots of the hair as a purification for the Temple, and have then been carried off highly charged with saponaceous electricity, to be steamed like a potato in the unventilated breath of the powerful Boanerges Boiler and his congregation, until what small mind I had, was quite steamed out of me
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Summer Quotes
- The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day together, - running, and catching, and batting, and bowling, and revelling in toil which would exhaust a galley-slave.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes