Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.

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Tags : William Blake Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes

The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Few women care to be laughed at and men not at all, except for large sums of money.

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Tags : Alan Ayckbourn Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Fifteen referees. I want fifteen referees to be at this fight because there ain't no one man who can keep up with the pace I'm gonna set except me. There's not a man alive who can whup me. I'm too fast. I'm too smart. I'm too pretty. I should be a postage stamp. That's the only way I'll ever get licked.

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smart Quotes

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!

5 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Gay Quotes

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

We have the best government that money can buy.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes