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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes
- Every dream is a prophecy: every jest is an earnest in the womb of Time.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dream Quotes
- To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes
- The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.
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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- There is nothing so absurd that some philosopher has not already said it.
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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes
- I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes
- Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.
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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes
- If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes
- The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Food Quotes
- Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jail Quotes
- You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes