Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Riches are for spending.

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I don't quite recollect how many tumblers of whiskey toddy each man drank after supper; but this I know, that about one o'clock in the morning, the baillie's grown-up son became insensible while attempting the first verse of 'Willie brewed a peck o' maut'; and he having been, for half an hour before, the only other man visible above the mahogany, it occurred to my uncle that it was almost time to think about going.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Every man over forty is a scoundrel.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

"Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who prattle and play to it.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

The impulse to travel is one of the hopeful symptoms of life.

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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

They misunderestimated me.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes