Voltaire Quotes, Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

God created sex. Priests created marriage.

4 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jesus Quotes

Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

4 years ago

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies.

4 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.

4 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

4 years ago

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

'Tis a superstition to insist on a special diet. All is made at last of the same chemical atoms.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alan Shearer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Soccer Quotes

Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes

A man and his dog is a sacred relationship. What nature hath put together let no woman put asunder.

5 years ago

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Tags : A. R. Gurney Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wire Quotes

The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes