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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes
- Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- What I tell you three times is true.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes
- Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , True Friend Quotes
- When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Communication Quotes
- But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
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Tags : Carl Sagan Quotes , Funny Quotes , Brother Quotes
- " ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I've got a hockey record, I took off my skate and tried to stab a guy, I'm the only person who ever tried that.
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hockey Quotes
- One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes