Ernest Hemingway Quotes, Funny Quotes, Fathers Day Quotes

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Don't argue about the difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Whatever advice you give, be short.

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Tags : Horace Quotes , Funny Quotes , Giving Quotes

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

5 years ago

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes