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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes
- The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- Never confuse movement with action.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Reality Quotes
- Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings up and down.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
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Tags : Bob Marley Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.
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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Teeth Quotes
- It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Math Quotes
- I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- There comes a moment in the day when you have written your pages in the morning, attended to your correspondence in the afternoon, and have nothing further to do. Then comes that hour when you are bored; that's the time for sex.
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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes