A. Whitney Brown Quotes, Funny Quotes, Military Quotes

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.

5 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes

Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind.

5 years ago

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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

We are living in 1937, and our universities, I suggest, are not half-way out of the fifteenth century. We have made hardly any changes in our conception of university organization, education, graduation, for a century - for several centuries.

5 years ago

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

Were kisses all the joys in bed, One woman would another wed.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

5 years ago

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Tags : Theodore Roosevelt Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Triumph Quotes

Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements, combining a wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing shattered fortunes, were at once the ennobling pursuit and the healthful recreation of the Quality of this land.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down... Why do we laugh? Because it is a grave religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes