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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!
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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes
- The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- For the journalist, anything probable is gospel truth.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Journalism Quotes
- When one has not had a good father, one must create one.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes
- The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes
- My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but will all my heart. To me an opera is the very climax & cap-stone of the absurd, the fantastic the unjustifiable. I hate the very name of opera - partly because of the nights of suffering I have endured in its presence, & partly because I want to love it and can't.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hate Quotes
- Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes
- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves the boudoir of a lady.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes