A. A. Gill Quotes, Funny Quotes, Beach Quotes

I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes

God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.

6 years ago

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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Journalism Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When they took a young man into Tellson's London house, they hid him somewhere till he was old. They kept him in a dark place, like a cheese, until he had the full Tellson flavour and blue-mould upon him. Then only was he permitted to be seen, spectacularly poring over large books, and casting his breeches and gaiters into the general weight of the establishment.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Only the shallow know themselves.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

It's your money. You paid for it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Blake Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Laughter Quotes

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Senior Quotes

As he was valiant, I honour him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Sanity is very rare; every man almost and every woman has a dash of madness.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes