Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Most people's major life changes don't come from reading an article in the newspaper; they come from reading longer-form essays or thoughtful books, which are much more convincing and detailed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It's much easier for me to make major life, multi-million dollar decisions, than it is to decide on a carpet for my front porch. That's the truth.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Teeth Quotes

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

A community is infinitely more brutalised by the habitual employment of punishment than it is by the occasional occurence of crime.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kissing Quotes

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

When they took a young man into Tellson's London house, they hid him somewhere till he was old. They kept him in a dark place, like a cheese, until he had the full Tellson flavour and blue-mould upon him. Then only was he permitted to be seen, spectacularly poring over large books, and casting his breeches and gaiters into the general weight of the establishment.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes