Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

5 years ago

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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

5 years ago

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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Real Quotes

I drink to make other people more interesting.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

Never confuse movement with action.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes