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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.
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Tags : Al Unser Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.
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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.
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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Teeth Quotes
- I shall write a book some day about the appropriateness of names. Geoffrey Chaucer has a ribald ring, as is proper and correct, and Alexander Pope was inevitably Alexander Pope. Colley Cibber was a silly little man without much elegance and Shelley was very Percy and very Bysshe.
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Tags : James Joyce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Eating words has never given me indigestion.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Health Quotes
- I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I can resist everything except temptation.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.
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Tags : Maya Angelou Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day together, - running, and catching, and batting, and bowling, and revelling in toil which would exhaust a galley-slave.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes
- Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- A true sonnet goes eight lines and then takes a turn for better or worse and goes six or eight lines more.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes