George W. Bush Quotes, Funny Quotes, Graduation Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes

I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

"Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head. "My own spirits is not equal to it, but I don't owe it any grudge. I envys them that is so blest!"

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Everyone who has ever built anywhere a "new heaven" first found the power thereto in his own hell.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes

Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

People do not deserve to have good writing, they are so pleased with bad.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

6 years ago

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

5 years ago

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Tags : Theodore Kaczynski Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes