William Shakespeare Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Frailty, thy name is woman!

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Memorable Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Some men never feel small, but these are the few men who are.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes

What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him.

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Tags : Alan Beck Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

Auto racing, bull fighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports... all the others are games.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.

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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes