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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Hatred is blind, as well as love.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Spiritual Quotes
- A true sonnet goes eight lines and then takes a turn for better or worse and goes six or eight lines more.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
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Tags : Carl Sagan Quotes , Funny Quotes , Brother Quotes
- A man and his dog is a sacred relationship. What nature hath put together let no woman put asunder.
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Tags : A. R. Gurney Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind.
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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- "Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- I drink to make other people more interesting.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes
- Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Ladies and gentlemen are permitted to have friends in the kennel, but not in the kitchen.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kitchen Quotes
- What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes
- The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sister Quotes
- Most people's major life changes don't come from reading an article in the newspaper; they come from reading longer-form essays or thoughtful books, which are much more convincing and detailed.
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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes