Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

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His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

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Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

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Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes

"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."

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The impulse to travel is one of the hopeful symptoms of life.

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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.

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No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions; he had money as well.

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck.

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Tags : Adam Clayton Powell , Jr. Quotes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

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In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

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What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes