Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Distance Quotes

The great commander, who seemed by expression of his visage to be always on the look-out for something in the extremest distance, and to have no ocular knowledge of anything within ten miles, made no reply whatever.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Distance Quotes

No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

You can always rely on America to do the right thing -- once it has exhausted the alternatives.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes