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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes
- A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- I've got a hockey record, I took off my skate and tried to stab a guy, I'm the only person who ever tried that.
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hockey Quotes
- Whatever advice you give, be short.
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Tags : Horace Quotes , Funny Quotes , Giving Quotes
- Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Senior Quotes
- To buy books would be a good thing if we could also buy the time to read them; but the purchase of books is often mistaken for the assimilation and mastering of their contents.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- Be excellent and party on dudes.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I hate women because they always know where things are.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes
- He would make a lovely corpse.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.
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Tags : Khalil Gibran Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- We are living in 1937, and our universities, I suggest, are not half-way out of the fifteenth century. We have made hardly any changes in our conception of university organization, education, graduation, for a century - for several centuries.
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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes