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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Be excellent and party on dudes.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.
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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!
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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Gay Quotes
- Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes
- whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.
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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
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Tags : Jack London Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.
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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes
- "Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes