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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes
- We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It's a funny old world.
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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , World Quotes
- "She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes
- When they took a young man into Tellson's London house, they hid him somewhere till he was old. They kept him in a dark place, like a cheese, until he had the full Tellson flavour and blue-mould upon him. Then only was he permitted to be seen, spectacularly poring over large books, and casting his breeches and gaiters into the general weight of the establishment.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jesus Quotes
- He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.
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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes
- ... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Ven you read the speeches in the papers, and see as vun gen'lman says of another, 'the Honourable member, if he vill allow me to call him so' you vill understand, sir, that that means, 'if he vill allow me to keep up that 'ere pleasant and uniwersal fiction.'
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Spiritual Quotes
- History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
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Tags : Abba Eban Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.
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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Hatred is blind, as well as love.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Sanity is very rare; every man almost and every woman has a dash of madness.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes
- The English country-gentleman galloping after a fox — the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes