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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Prayer Quotes
- No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes
- The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes
- Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.
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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.
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Tags : Khalil Gibran Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes
- NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes
- ...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes