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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes
- When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Had be been Shakespeare, he would then have written Troilus and Cressidato brand the offending sex; but being only a little dog, he began to bite them.
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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Is man one of God's blunders? Or is God one of man's blunders?
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- All generalizations are false, including this one.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes
- Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure!
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.
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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes
- As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.
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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!
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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes
- Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes