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Funny Quotes 957
- " ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- 'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Journalists are like dogs, when ever anything moves they begin to bark.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes
- Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.
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Tags : Alan Minter Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Compassion Quotes
- Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.
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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Successful Quotes
- Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes
- Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- A burglar who respects his art always takes his time before taking anything else.
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Tags : O. Henry Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes