Winston Churchill Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.

4 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Math Quotes

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Successful Quotes

His wardrobe was extensive-very extensive-not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the fashion of any age or time, but everything was more or less spangled; and what can be prettier than spangles!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fashion Quotes

The stupider the peasant, the better the horse understands him.

5 years ago

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: he is always convinced that it says what he means.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I can resist everything except temptation.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

"Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove a alleybi. I've been a turnin' the bis'ness over in my mind, and he may make his-self easy, Sammy. I've got some friends as'll do either for him, but my adwice 'ud be this here-never mind the character, and stick to the alleybi. Nothing like a alleybi, Sammy, nothing."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

4 years ago

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down... Why do we laugh? Because it is a grave religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.

4 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

4 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fake People Quotes