Oscar Wilde Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes

It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am.

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

The movement of life has its rest in its own music.

5 years ago

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Army Quotes

My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

There is more to be said for stupidity than people imagine. Personally I have a great admiration for stupidity. It is a sort of fellow-feeling, I suppose.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

5 years ago

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In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Is man one of God's blunders? Or is God one of man's blunders?

5 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

It is always a temptation to a rich and lazy nation, To puff and look important and to say:- 'Though we know we should defeat you, we have not the time to meet you, We will therefore pay you cash to go away.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Temptation Quotes