Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Husband Quotes

I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Littles Quotes

In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

Biography lends to death a new terror.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

He's got his dog trained so that it only does it on newspapers. The trouble is it does it when he's reading the blasted things.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Absence - that common cure of love.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Communication Quotes

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The great commander, who seemed by expression of his visage to be always on the look-out for something in the extremest distance, and to have no ocular knowledge of anything within ten miles, made no reply whatever.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Distance Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes

It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes

It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

'Tis a superstition to insist on a special diet. All is made at last of the same chemical atoms.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes