George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Funny Quotes, Music Quotes

Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols or bombs without incurring any penalties.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

My best training came from my father.

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

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Beauty is an outward gift, which is seldom despised, except by those to whom it has been refused.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Teeth Quotes

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

It's your money. You paid for it.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Integrity Quotes

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sympathy Quotes

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

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Tags : Franz Kafka Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fighting Quotes

The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes