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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.
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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes
- A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes
- There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- More and more of our imports are coming from overseas
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes
- "The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Whatever advice you give, be short.
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Tags : Horace Quotes , Funny Quotes , Giving Quotes
- Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- The stupider the peasant, the better the horse understands him.
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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes
- If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes
- I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.
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Tags : Alan Shearer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Soccer Quotes
- Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Appreciation Quotes
- It's a funny old world.
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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , World Quotes