Confucius Quotes, Funny Quotes, Girl Quotes

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adelle Davis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Party Quotes

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

He would make a lovely corpse.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

Eating words has never given me indigestion.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Health Quotes

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

The English country-gentleman galloping after a fox — the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes