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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- ... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes
- I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Growing Up Quotes
- What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.
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Tags : Adelle Davis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Party Quotes
- Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- ... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I think war is a dangerous place.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes
- I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes
- The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes