Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Belief Quotes, Opinion Quotes

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

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DISABUSE, v.t. To present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed advantageous to embrace.

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MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.

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RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.

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TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.

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Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.".

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Gentleman Quotes , Affliction Quotes

GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most writers the invention of gunpowder is ascribed to the Chinese, but not upon very convincing evidence. Milton says it was invented by the devil to dispel angels with, and this opinion seems to derive some support from the scarcity of angels.

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REBEL, n. A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.

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PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

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Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

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Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.

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Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.

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HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.

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EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

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DEBT, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver. As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet, Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him, Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him; So the poor debtor, seeing naught around him, Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him, Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it, And finds at last he might as well have paid it.

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Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

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JOSS-STICKS- Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Chinese Quotes , Religion Quotes