Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Political Revolution Quotes, Cynical Quotes

Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

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Platitude: All that is mortal of a departed truth.

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A miracle is an act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.

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ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.

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Age is provident because the less future we have the more we fear it.

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QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the U.S. Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House.

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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

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Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

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self-esteem, n. An erroneous appraisal.

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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.

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predicament, n. The wage of consistency.

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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

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PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.

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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

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TRUST, n. In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors and public enemies.

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Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.

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ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.

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HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.

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prospect, n. An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden.

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Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion - thus: Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man. Minor Premise: One man can dig a post-hole in sixty seconds; Therefore- Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a post-hole in one second. This may be called syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.

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