Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Learning Quotes, Persons Quotes

MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn.

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An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.

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Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.

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SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.

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I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

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POSITIVISM- A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.

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Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient

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POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.

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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.

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A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go.

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MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.

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WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread "per capita" of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.

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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

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INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.

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A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.

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Worms'-Meat, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material. The contents of the Taj Mahal, the Tombeau Napoleon and the Granitarium. Worms'-meat is usually outlasted by the structure that houses it, but "this too must pass away." Probably the silliest work in which a human being can engage is construction of a tomb for himself. The solemn purpose cannot dignify, but only accentuates by contrast the foreknown futility.

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PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.

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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.

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HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.

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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

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