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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.
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- There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.
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- REDRESS, n. Reparation without satisfaction.
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- Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.
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- RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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- EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.
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- Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity.
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- RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.
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- Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.
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- True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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- Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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- UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.
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- JESTER, n. An officer attached to the king's household to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances . . . the king's own conduct and decrees [being] sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind.
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- Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.
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- Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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- NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
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- LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives.
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- LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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- PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.
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- Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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