Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Dumb Quotes, Truthful Quotes

TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Dumb Quotes , Truthful Quotes

When publicly censured our first instinct is to make everybody a codefendant.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Firsts Quotes

IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Honor Quotes

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Women Quotes , Roots Quotes

ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , World Quotes , You Like It Quotes

J, n. A consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel . . . from a Latin verb, "jacere", "to throw," because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog's tail assumes that shape.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Dog Quotes , Latin Quotes

If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg to-day the country could be successfully invaded to-morrow by the warlike hypocrites of Canada.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Country Quotes , Hypocrite Quotes

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Women Quotes

You cannot adopt politics as a profession and remain honest.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Political Quotes , Liberty Quotes

Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Flower Quotes , Color Quotes

ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Snakes Quotes

Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Doubt Quotes , Shadow Quotes

Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have; as the right to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor, the right to have measles, and the like.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Kings Quotes , Neighbor Quotes

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Travel Quotes , Journey Quotes

Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Cynical Quotes , Adultery Quotes

Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Hunger Quotes , Instinct Quotes

The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Character Quotes , Wrinkles Quotes

FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism; and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Long Quotes , Baptism Quotes

THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Religion Quotes , Mystery Quotes