Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Mother Quotes, Motherhood Quotes

ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.

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A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul.

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FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism; and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith.

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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.

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IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position.

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PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.

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Age is provident because the less future we have the more we fear it.

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When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet.

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While you have a future do not live too much in contemplation of your past: unless you are content to walk backward the mirror is a poor guide.

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aim, n. The task we set our wishes to.

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To the eye of failure success is an accident.

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Slang is a foul pool at which every dunce fills his bucket, and then sets up as a fountain.

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MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.

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ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.

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Woman absent is woman dead.

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Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.

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MONARCHICAL GOVERNMENT, n. Government.

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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

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DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Fear Quotes , Generosity Quotes