Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Food Quotes, Names Quotes

PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.

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A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

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PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.

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Brain: an apparatus with which we think that we think. Mind, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain.

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POSITIVISM- A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.

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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.

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Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

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ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.

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REASON, n. Propensitate of prejudice.

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RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.

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Every heart is the lair of a ferocious animal. The greatest wrong that you can put upon a man is to provoke him to let out his beast.

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Book - Learning : The dunce's derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impertinent ignorance.

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The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.

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FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism; and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith.

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MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.

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Youth is Gilead, in which is balm for every wound.

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Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

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A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

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Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.

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RAREBIT n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and that riz-de-veau à la financière is not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker.

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