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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.
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- PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.
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- EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.
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- COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.
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- Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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- K, n. A consonant; originally precisely that of our H, but altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of [one of two lofty columns in] the great temple of Jarute.
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- An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was poured on his lips to revive him.
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- Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Romans the censor was an inspector of public morals, but the public morals of modern nations will not bear inspection.
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- Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
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- CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.
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- Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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- MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.
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- An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
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- gratitude, n. A sentiment lying midway between a benefit received and a benefit expected.
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- Suddenly to change one's opinions and go over to another party. The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus, who has been severely criticised as a turn-coat by some of our partisan journals.
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- WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.
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- OVATION, n. n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser "triumph."
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- HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.
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- Self-restraint is indulgence of the propensity to forgo.
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- Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
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