Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Long Quotes, Letters Quotes

X, n. In our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Long Quotes , Letters Quotes

Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Doubt Quotes , Shadow Quotes

UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Time Quotes , Power Quotes

Doubt is the father of invention.

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ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Men Quotes

TAKE, v.t. To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

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PICKANINNY, n. The young of the "Procyanthropos", or "Americanus dominans". It is small, black and charged with political fatalities.

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Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

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Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

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Youth is Gilead, in which is balm for every wound.

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Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.

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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives.

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Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Hunger Quotes , Instinct Quotes

Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wall Quotes , Fall Quotes

Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.

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WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Women Quotes

ZANY, n. A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the _buffone_, or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the play. The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as we to-day have the unhappiness to know him. In the zany we see an example of creation; in the humorist, of transmission. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is the curate, who apes the rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, who apes the devil.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Character Quotes , Italian Quotes

TRUCE, n. Friendship.

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Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Country Quotes , People Quotes

PREDESTINATION, n. The doctrine that all things occur according to programme. . . . not be confused with that of foreordination. The difference is great enough to have deluged Christendom with ink, to say nothing of the gore.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Confused Quotes , Differences Quotes