Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Demand Quotes, Answers Quotes

GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.

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A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.

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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

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A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.

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PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.

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Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

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Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

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Age is provident because the less future we have the more we fear it.

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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

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An archbishop is an ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

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MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines, who believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by talking. Herod of Judea, all the famous soldiers have been practical exponents of the Malthusian idea.

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PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that - stone walls do not a prison make.

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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.

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MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.

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PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

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Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity.

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BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters - the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.

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REFUSAL, n. Denial of something desired; Refusals are graded in a descending scale of finality thus: the refusal absolute, the refusal condition, the refusal tentative and the refusal feminine. The last is called by some casuists the refusal assentive.

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Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

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TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.

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