Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Dream Quotes, Disappointment Quotes

Past, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future. These two grand divisions of Eternity, of which the one is continually effacing the other, are entirely unlike. The one is dark with sorrow and disappointment, the other bright with prosperity and joy.... Yet the Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow. They are one-the knowledge and the dream.

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PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom - and of whom only - it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. 'I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner,' said Brillat-Savarin, beginning an anecdote. 'What!' interrupted Rochebriant; 'eating dinner in a drawing-room?' 'I must beg you to observe, monsieur,' explained the great gastronome, 'that I did not say I was eating my dinner, but enjoying it. I had dined an hour before.'

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A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.

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HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.

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Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

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Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.

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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

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RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate the imagination and narcotize the conscience.

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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.

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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

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PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.

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Truth is more deceptive than falsehood, for it is more frequently presented by those from whom we do not expect it, and so has against it a numerical presumption.

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ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape as "One day a wag - what would the wretch be at? Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT, And said it was a god's name! . . ."

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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.

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PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.

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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.

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A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.

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RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.

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pleasure, n. The least hateful form of dejection.

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