Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Profound Quotes

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes

The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Beer Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes

There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fitness Quotes , Humorous Quotes

And yet the motives of women are so inscrutable. You remember the woman at Margate whom I suspected for the same reason. No powder on her nose - that proved to be the correct solution. How can you build on such a quicksand? Their most trivial action may mean volumes, or their most extraordinary conduct may depend upon a hairpin or a curling tongs.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Mean Quotes

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Inspirational Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

An absence of antecedents and of relatives is sometimes an aid rather than an impediment to social advancement . . .

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Marriage Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.

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Tags : Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes , War Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

She dotes on poetry, sir. She adores it; I may say that her whole soul and mind are wound up, and entwined with it. She has produced some delightful pieces, herself, sir. You may have met with her 'Ode to an Expiring Frog,' sir.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I feel that there is reason lurking in you somewhere, so we will patiently grope round for it.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Life And Love Quotes , Humorous Quotes