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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Biography lends to death a new terror.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes
- A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes
- I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- We take greater pains to persuade others that we are happy than in endeavoring to think so ourselves
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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes
- Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.
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Tags : A. E. Housman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- What I tell you three times is true.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes