Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

5 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

We were together. I forget the rest.

5 years ago

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.

5 years ago

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

We take greater pains to persuade others that we are happy than in endeavoring to think so ourselves

5 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but will all my heart. To me an opera is the very climax & cap-stone of the absurd, the fantastic the unjustifiable. I hate the very name of opera - partly because of the nights of suffering I have endured in its presence, & partly because I want to love it and can't.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hate Quotes

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Teeth Quotes

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes