Winston Churchill Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

A burglar who respects his art always takes his time before taking anything else.

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Tags : O. Henry Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Biography lends to death a new terror.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pimples Quotes

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

His wardrobe was extensive-very extensive-not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the fashion of any age or time, but everything was more or less spangled; and what can be prettier than spangles!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fashion Quotes

Young men want to be faithful, and are not. Old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes