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Funny Quotes 957
- Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols or bombs without incurring any penalties.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.
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Tags : Alan Shearer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Soccer Quotes
- Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic resistance.
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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes
- Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.
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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes
- Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes
- He's got his dog trained so that it only does it on newspapers. The trouble is it does it when he's reading the blasted things.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mind Quotes
- The great commander, who seemed by expression of his visage to be always on the look-out for something in the extremest distance, and to have no ocular knowledge of anything within ten miles, made no reply whatever.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Distance Quotes
- Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- We have the best government that money can buy.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.
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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sorry Quotes
- Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes
- There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes