Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Inspiration Quotes

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Let us work without theorizing, tis the only way to make life endurable.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Science Quotes

True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.

6 years ago

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Tags : Abigail Van Buren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

6 years ago

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!

5 years ago

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes

When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

5 years ago

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes