William Shakespeare Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Were kisses all the joys in bed, One woman would another wed.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

4 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Trust Quotes

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.

4 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.

4 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.

4 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

As he was valiant, I honour him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Not to have control over the senses is like sailing in a rudderless ship, bound to break to pieces on coming in contact with the very first rock.

4 years ago

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Tags : Mahatma Gandhi Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If a student takes the whole series of my folklore courses including the graduate seminars, he or she should learn something about fieldwork, something about bibliography, something about how to carry out library research, and something about how to publish that research.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alan Dundes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I drink to make other people more interesting.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

5 years ago

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes