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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A poet can survive everything but a misprint.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes
- If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- I love acting. It is so much more real than life.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes
- I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.
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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes
- It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes
- My rackets are run on strictly American lines and they're going to stay that way.
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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes
- What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes