Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

4 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

No sane man will dance.

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

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Tags : A. A. Milne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes

For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

"Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian church, and got herself named Peggotty?"

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Dead birds don't fall out of their nests.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction.

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[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pimples Quotes

Many readers judge of the power of a book by the shock it gives their feelings - as some savage tribes determine the power of muskets by their recoil; that being considered best which fairly prostrates the purchaser.

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Tags : Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Quotes , Funny Quotes , Reading Quotes

Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

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Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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A good scare is worth more than good advice.

4 years ago

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Tags : Horace Quotes , Funny Quotes , Advice Quotes