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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.
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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.
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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sorry Quotes
- When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.
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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes
- Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes
- Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes
- The movement of life has its rest in its own music.
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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Spiritual Quotes
- I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes
- Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old.
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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes
- It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes