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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- If so many men, so many minds, certainly so many hearts, so many kinds of love.
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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.
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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes
- The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes
- If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes
- Morality consists of suspecting other people of not being legally married.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.
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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Golf Quotes
- Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes
- No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought? --Poirot
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Tags : Agatha Christie Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes
- A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uncles Quotes
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- All art is quite useless.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes
- I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but will all my heart. To me an opera is the very climax & cap-stone of the absurd, the fantastic the unjustifiable. I hate the very name of opera - partly because of the nights of suffering I have endured in its presence, & partly because I want to love it and can't.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hate Quotes
- Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure!
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes