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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Most people's major life changes don't come from reading an article in the newspaper; they come from reading longer-form essays or thoughtful books, which are much more convincing and detailed.
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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.
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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.
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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes
- He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Integrity Quotes
- The sea is the same as it has been since before men ever went on it in boats.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.
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Tags : A. E. Housman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Half Quotes
- He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes
- Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes
- Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.
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Tags : Khalil Gibran Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes