Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.

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Tags : Khalil Gibran Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.

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Tags : Al Gore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A burglar who respects his art always takes his time before taking anything else.

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Tags : O. Henry Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivation Quotes

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.

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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes